Men are tough and dangerous people. Avoid hurting ego at all costs.

A few days back a friend called while in the middle of an argument with an auto driver. Apparently the meter was tampered with and the fare was way too high. As she was speaking, warning bells went off in my head – Is she on a lonely road, will she ‘go overboard’ and swear at him, I hope its not too much of a scene!

Thankfully she was angry, not afraid. So she stood her ground and fought back hard in broken Kannada. I didn’t transmit any of my fears over the phone, knowing well that it was ill found. But strange isn’t it, how we always assume ‘local chaps’ mean trouble? That they will get dirty and you’re better off not picking a fight with them?

Well I have had some nasty fights with mechanic, conductors, etc. Fights on the road/public kinda things. So no matter what my apprehensions I still go ahead and fight it out, but those darn warning bells are so annoying. The last time I fought with an auto driver, I stopped going to the auto stand, where he usually hung out, for a week! Tell me, does anyone else here share this same anticipatory fear of a ‘scene’?

Moving on, was doing a lot of browsing. Seems like, feminism though not new to India, is gaining a lot of urban ground of all. The new-age feminist is however not asking for right education or to work. Around the world, she is found asking for fair representation in literature, right to public space, for equal opportunities in art and stopping of stereotyping in advertisements/media (if you haven’t already seen this ad, you must!)

How about representation of women in mainstream cinema? That’s something that has always got me up in arms – the way the hero always saves the women while she stands screeching in the background. And mostly it’s her fault that she got into trouble in the first place, because she wore something she should have (remember Raja Hindustani, when Karisma wears that red dress and the next scene – after understanding the gravity of her mistake – she dons a salwar kameez?). Movies like DDLJ or Kal Ho Na Ho, had the lead (and decent) lady drinking for the first time because she was tricked or dared, or was unusually pissed about something. Some terrible circumstances, mind you, not that she wanted to, or is used to drinking. Pah! I can go on and on, but what do the rest of you think - Women in mainstream Indian Movies…. What’s your take?

Random thoughts/conversations

Why did we start to care? Traveling by bus, feeling attractive doesn’t last long. Its takes a look to makes us feel cheap. A comment. A stray guffaw. Was that something about me? Should I react?

Picking up a fight is choice to make with much deliberation. Where am I? Can I expect support? I don’t know Kannada, is that going to work against me? How much before it hurts his ‘manliness’?

“What’s the need for all this?”
“Gender stereotyping that mars an individual’s lawful freedom must go”
[...]
“Is all stereotyping bad?”
"hmmmm...no, I guess not."


“I don’t drop my buddies home if its after 11. But I drop you everytime and you expect it, don’t you?"


“There is a difference between bias and discrimination. For example, I am biased to look at men as responsible. But the minute I stop a woman for doing something, like an important task because I expect her to be irresponsible, that’s discrimination.”


“Ok admitted stereotyping makes things easier for us and it actually makes sense. In a harmless way as children we classified things as living and non-living. As plants, as animals, as wild, domestic, etc, because it helped us associate a set of behavioural patterns with a name. But sometimes this harmless classification can get restrictive. Man – breadwinner, strong, tall, broad shouldered. Woman – kind, caring, motherly, frail, fragile.”


“Women just want to be fashionable and dress to the latest trends. They just want attention. If they don’t dress decently – I don’t need to tell you what that is, right? – if they dress that way, then boys will comment. They shouldn’t dress that way, thats all.”


“I don’t need any of this empowerment shit. I really don’t think it’s needed - what you are doing. Women today can handle all this much better. Maybe women in villages need all this talk and all. Not us in the city.”


We spoke to others. We spoke to each other. And soon it was too late to wonder why we cared. We did. We've heard people laugh at our initial attempts at running self-defence classes, disbelief that this would change anything. Sometimes we are struck by the futility of our efforts. Then we step onto the streets and look troubled at the gang of laughing workmen. Just a bunch of riotous lads, but we keep watch over them from the corner of our eye. A part of us always aware that we are being watched too. One of us wants to light up. There’s no way we can on the road. We walk up to a deserted spot and get ready to stare down anyone who passes by.

Back at work where they are talking about going out drinking, a boy’s night out. They think, nay expect, that we wouldn’t ‘understand’ a thing about hangovers, drunken talk, bonding over beer. They expect us to blink stupidly back, which we do, cause we have enough battles to fight already. There is that subtle line between just expecting and stereotyping. Between when you've just let it be known where you where last night to when you're made to feel more and more alien to the group.

Sometimes it’s easier to hide within the boundaries of expectations, no?

First step towards getting Eve-in

“Oh no, not another ultra-feminist group!” is not the reaction that we intend. We are not the extremist types, I assure you.

Have you had enough of stereotyping and wondered how the planet would be so much more peaceful without it? The stereotyping that I mention here refers specifically to the gender issue where men and women are perceived in certain ways. Some of these are subliminal and many are very in-your-face. “Who will marry my daughter?! Her engagement got called off”– is a man ever pitied or sometimes even chastised so vehemently by our society if his engagement is called off? Such cases are few and far between. “Don’t venture out after 10 p.m. if you don’t want to invite trouble”, “You asked for it! You were dressed inappropriately in such a place” – men there happily strut around wearing whatever they’re comfortable in, even raising their lungies ( a sartorial trend among men, particularly in South Asia) to ghastly levels.

A recent trend indicates girls performing better than boys in the secondary school certificate examinations. Girls are rarely pressurized by their parents to excel and get fabulous scores, which is probably one of the reasons they do so well :-). These are modern parents, who are well educated, provide all encouragement and support for their daughters to choose their careers, make their own decisions et al. Yet, in case their daughters decide to leave glossy, high paying careers for one in the development sector, they are fine with it, after maybe initial disappointment. However, this is not the case with their sons, who are the “bread-winners”. My sympathies to the boys and men who are compelled not to leave their cushy jobs, even if they are unhappy with it. They are pressurized to excel in everything they do with the fear of being labeled as losers otherwise. Such is the subliminal stereotyping, which I’m sure most of us have experienced.

Get Eve-in looks at eliminating this very stereotyping. And no, we are not a bunch of dreamers and do have our feet grounded in reality, but feel that such a day would surely come by, so what if it’s not in our lifetime :-) !

Get Eve-in aims at bringing about a social renaissance, so just plunge in!