When it hits too close, too damn close home

When IT happens to someone you knew. Someone you met more than once. Someone you spoke to just the day before they met with that accident or were diagnosed with something terminal. Just the day before they got mugged. Or just the day before they were conned and raped. Thats when you realise that these things just dont happen in some distant planet. That two para mention in the paper isnt something that could happen to oh somebody. It could so easily be someone you love and care about. It could so easily have been you.

When it hits too close home, you can no longer ignore it, no longer read and forget about it. No longer can you say, 'Oh but if it was me, I'd have known all along he was up to something'. When it happens to someone you knew, the air empties out of your lungs and your mind freezes. The countless ways you know how to avoid or escape such a situation make no difference, because SHE DIDNT KNOW THEM. And for her, its too late now.

More than anything else its a reminder that the knowledge we possess is useless unless we dispense it. And quick.

If there is one tip I could put out here and ask you to never to forget, it is this:

Make a commitment this very minute to protect your body with everything you have. Respect your feelings. It's not rude to move away if someone moves too close, no matter how well you know him. It's not rude to decline an invitation if you have even the slightest inhibitions about taking a drop or a nightcap, no matter how nice he is being about it. And any moment you dont feel right about whats happening, say NO. Let him call you a tease - you can deal with the labels later. And if he doesn't listen - FIGHT! And no matter what happens - DONT GIVE UP!! Don't allow yourself to feel helpless. Look around, there will be something. Grab anything you find and go for it. Dont worry about hurting him. You can call an ambulance on your way home.

Self defence classes are not hogwash. Join one today if you can. Learn to protect yourself and your loved ones. I wish we all lived in safe cities where 'these things' never happen. But we don't and they do. The best gift you can give yourself is to learn to defend yourself. I cant emphasize this enough. Learn from books, people, Internet, whereever, from whomever, but LEARN TO DEFEND YOURSELF. There's no husband is strong enough, no god good enough to save you.

Yesterday's workshop

Yesterday we joined Dr Sangeeta and Shamira from Enfoldindia as they conducted the last leg of their sex-education workshop in a school. It was a beautifully designed course that ended with safety tips for the children. Batch after batch we demonstrated the few tips we knew. The girls trooped in hour after hour - 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th standard. After every session the girls would stay back and ask,
“Ma’am, if someone touched my bum in a concert, would that be considered as sexual harassment”
“Ma’am what do you do if the auto driver keeps adjusting the mirror to look at you?”
“If he only calls us names but doesn’t touch us?”
“We went for a school trip once and the person in charge kept holding every girl tightly around the waist, even when we protested!”.

So many questions, incidents, experiences. They were all between 12 to 16 years olds. They certainly didn’t ‘ask for it!!!’

I just hope whatever self defence tips we managed to squeeze in, helps them. And that they get even with every pervert out there who dares to hurt/touch/abuse them.

Sleeping with the enemy - Do some of us have a choice?

Two articles in India Together caught my attention this month- the stories of the other halves. In rural India.

"Dilution or outright waiver of punishment if a rapist offers to marry his victim is an extra-legal step, one that is not written into law anywhere. But it continues to be entertained..." Read more >>

"For decades, girls in northern Karnataka have been 'dedicated' to goddess Yellama and then turned into sex-workers. In olden days, after dedication, the girls danced at temple festivals and functions. The priests freely used them for sex and were later passed on to the village chiefs...." Read more >>