Respect the Red - meeting

The all-volunteers meet to discuss the workings of Respect the Red has been postponed to 8th Sept. The venue for the meeting remains the same - iVolunteer office in Kormangala. Address:


No. 384, 6th Cross,
18th 'E' Main,
6th Block, Koramangala,
Bangalore - 560 095

Ph. 080 41466568

Time: 12.30pm

See ya there!!

Updates

The Get Eve In camp has been abuzzed with activities this month. First was self defences classes at the IISc. A round of applause to all the wonderful women who attended both the days of the workshop. Thanks for making the workshop so special for us, ladies!

Then we conducted a workshop at Makkala Jagriti. Its been our fourth at MJ and yet again the energy of the girls amaze us. We did many new exercises which they most sportingly did.

Mid month we also did shooting for a tv channel. We havent got the show timings yet, so you'll have to wait a bit for details here.

And finally we're partnering with Ivol for Respect the Red. So if you're interested in improving Bangalore's traffic situation here's your chance. Drop in at the Ivol office on 1st Sept.

Address and landmark :
iVolunteer,
No. 384, 6th Cross,
18th 'E' Main,
6th Block, Koramangala,
Bangalore - 560 095

You can also mail us at geteve(dot)in (at) gmail(dot)com for directions or queries.

Take care, be safe.

When it hits too close, too damn close home

When IT happens to someone you knew. Someone you met more than once. Someone you spoke to just the day before they met with that accident or were diagnosed with something terminal. Just the day before they got mugged. Or just the day before they were conned and raped. Thats when you realise that these things just dont happen in some distant planet. That two para mention in the paper isnt something that could happen to oh somebody. It could so easily be someone you love and care about. It could so easily have been you.

When it hits too close home, you can no longer ignore it, no longer read and forget about it. No longer can you say, 'Oh but if it was me, I'd have known all along he was up to something'. When it happens to someone you knew, the air empties out of your lungs and your mind freezes. The countless ways you know how to avoid or escape such a situation make no difference, because SHE DIDNT KNOW THEM. And for her, its too late now.

More than anything else its a reminder that the knowledge we possess is useless unless we dispense it. And quick.

If there is one tip I could put out here and ask you to never to forget, it is this:

Make a commitment this very minute to protect your body with everything you have. Respect your feelings. It's not rude to move away if someone moves too close, no matter how well you know him. It's not rude to decline an invitation if you have even the slightest inhibitions about taking a drop or a nightcap, no matter how nice he is being about it. And any moment you dont feel right about whats happening, say NO. Let him call you a tease - you can deal with the labels later. And if he doesn't listen - FIGHT! And no matter what happens - DONT GIVE UP!! Don't allow yourself to feel helpless. Look around, there will be something. Grab anything you find and go for it. Dont worry about hurting him. You can call an ambulance on your way home.

Self defence classes are not hogwash. Join one today if you can. Learn to protect yourself and your loved ones. I wish we all lived in safe cities where 'these things' never happen. But we don't and they do. The best gift you can give yourself is to learn to defend yourself. I cant emphasize this enough. Learn from books, people, Internet, whereever, from whomever, but LEARN TO DEFEND YOURSELF. There's no husband is strong enough, no god good enough to save you.

Respect the Red

How often have you found yourself trying to cross a road when the walk sign turns green only to realise that not one vehicle stops? Is there something we can do to change that? More specifically - do you see women come forward to change that?

RESPECT THE RED

A campaign by Get Eve In.
Meeting at 6th August, Alliance, 6.30pm
To find out more email us at geteve dot in at gmail dot com
Or call us at 98860 49998

Chimeras - a play based on the Shashi Deshpande's short stories

CHIMERAS

Chimeras is an adaptation of three of Shashi Deshpande's famous short stories. The stories revolve around three popular figures in mythology: Draupadi, Kunti and Sita. Interspersed with dance and live music the show is a lively look at the epics through the eyes of a woman.

The duration of the play is 90 mins . The performance will be followed by an open discussion with the audience.

Date : July 19th and July 20th
Time : 7:30pm
Venue : Alliance Francaise de Bangalore (Near Cant Railway station, Vasant Nagar).

Tickets available at the venue and at Landmark (Fourm).

Tickets : Rs 100
Donor passes: Rs 500
For Tickets:
call 98860 49998 / 98455 36182
email geteve.in@gmail.

CHIMERAS

Yay!! Its finally here... the play we've been waiting for sooo long!

A Thousand Dreams....

It continues to bother me and I guess it always will. Women portrayed in Indian Cinema. I've wondered why it continues to be so, why for easy laughs, the pretty woman with an active sex drive, is portrayed as a bimbette who flutters her eyelashes and goes oooh what are doing, but enjoys it all the same. And she'd be the woman in the movie who'll have to wear all the short skirts and deep necks, not the good heroine.

And then I found this gem of an insight. Sudhir Mishra, the creator of Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi was asked: So you believe that there’s still hope for intelligent cinema?

And he said:
"I do but most of our distributors don’t trust the audiences enough. There’s a latent obscene eve teaser in many of these traders who believes that all human beings are like him. Consequently, they are only interested in churning out crap."

Hmmmmm....

Self defence with Jagruti girls

After a lull of many weeks, we were egged to some activity by an opportunity we suddenly found in a sports meet organized by Power of We, for a group of 40 girls in the age group between 16 and 22 years. These girls are a part of Jagruti, a learning centre for economically underprivileged people, primarily working towards spreading awareness on HIV/AIDS.

The meet was held on Sunday, 27^th May. Get Eve-in was allotted one hour, towards the end of the event, to impart some simple tips on self-defence. We were a tad apprehensive, especially as the clock ticked, wondering how we, just the two of us, would deal with this boisterous bunch of girls, who were squabbling over the results of a previous event. The apprehension was accentuated when we realized that this was the first time we were dealing with a group that also included victims of sexual abuse. This was our true challenge; after all, our vision is to make women comfortable with themselves, their backgrounds and removing all impediments to their freedom of expression!

So began our one hour session with the girls. We formed a circle so that we were compact and our instructions could be heard clearly. Priya started with the need for self-defence without talking specifically about eve-teasing; instead stressing on the importance of safety, say from a chain-snatcher, etc. We had to bear in mind that it was an open field and we had a lot of passers-by – mostly men – as our audience as well. We didn’t want to make it difficult for the girls and ourselves by spending our energy warding off negative forces that could’ve been stoked if we hadn’t tempered down. We started with the forearm and shin chop – a form involving repeated strikes on the forearm and shin area. While doing so, we asked them whether it hurt. We never knew that histrionics was in store for us at this point - the girls were ‘groaning’ in pain caused by the repeated ‘chopping’. “Nauvu aagthaide, aunty”, “Thumba ne nauvu aagthaide” all without a straight face. It was a funny sight. We proceeded, showing them the other forms – use of weight or the drunken fall; V-slide and finally the STING. In order to demonstrate the STING form and show other pain points, we divided them into two groups as this was one of the key tips in self-defence and also to ensure that we had their attention. The girls were smart and memorized the pain points in no time; possibly this was their favorite form, chuckling away as it was being explained.

We quickly recapitulated all the forms as we ended our session. The girls flocked Priya and I, thanking us for spending time with them and for providing some useful tips; this was probably the norm at such events, but their love was unconditional – we were moved. They invited us with excitement, to visit their community centre; took our phone numbers saying they will stay in touch. Their enthusiasm and zest for life was refreshing.

Even though we didn’t elicit their experiences of sexual harassment and how they would use these forms; even though they didn’t ask us the ways to get out of certain situations, we are sure that the session will nevertheless be helpful. Hope to see you soon, girls!

Yesterday's workshop

Yesterday we joined Dr Sangeeta and Shamira from Enfoldindia as they conducted the last leg of their sex-education workshop in a school. It was a beautifully designed course that ended with safety tips for the children. Batch after batch we demonstrated the few tips we knew. The girls trooped in hour after hour - 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th standard. After every session the girls would stay back and ask,
“Ma’am, if someone touched my bum in a concert, would that be considered as sexual harassment”
“Ma’am what do you do if the auto driver keeps adjusting the mirror to look at you?”
“If he only calls us names but doesn’t touch us?”
“We went for a school trip once and the person in charge kept holding every girl tightly around the waist, even when we protested!”.

So many questions, incidents, experiences. They were all between 12 to 16 years olds. They certainly didn’t ‘ask for it!!!’

I just hope whatever self defence tips we managed to squeeze in, helps them. And that they get even with every pervert out there who dares to hurt/touch/abuse them.

Sleeping with the enemy - Do some of us have a choice?

Two articles in India Together caught my attention this month- the stories of the other halves. In rural India.

"Dilution or outright waiver of punishment if a rapist offers to marry his victim is an extra-legal step, one that is not written into law anywhere. But it continues to be entertained..." Read more >>

"For decades, girls in northern Karnataka have been 'dedicated' to goddess Yellama and then turned into sex-workers. In olden days, after dedication, the girls danced at temple festivals and functions. The priests freely used them for sex and were later passed on to the village chiefs...." Read more >>

Men are tough and dangerous people. Avoid hurting ego at all costs.

A few days back a friend called while in the middle of an argument with an auto driver. Apparently the meter was tampered with and the fare was way too high. As she was speaking, warning bells went off in my head – Is she on a lonely road, will she ‘go overboard’ and swear at him, I hope its not too much of a scene!

Thankfully she was angry, not afraid. So she stood her ground and fought back hard in broken Kannada. I didn’t transmit any of my fears over the phone, knowing well that it was ill found. But strange isn’t it, how we always assume ‘local chaps’ mean trouble? That they will get dirty and you’re better off not picking a fight with them?

Well I have had some nasty fights with mechanic, conductors, etc. Fights on the road/public kinda things. So no matter what my apprehensions I still go ahead and fight it out, but those darn warning bells are so annoying. The last time I fought with an auto driver, I stopped going to the auto stand, where he usually hung out, for a week! Tell me, does anyone else here share this same anticipatory fear of a ‘scene’?

Moving on, was doing a lot of browsing. Seems like, feminism though not new to India, is gaining a lot of urban ground of all. The new-age feminist is however not asking for right education or to work. Around the world, she is found asking for fair representation in literature, right to public space, for equal opportunities in art and stopping of stereotyping in advertisements/media (if you haven’t already seen this ad, you must!)

How about representation of women in mainstream cinema? That’s something that has always got me up in arms – the way the hero always saves the women while she stands screeching in the background. And mostly it’s her fault that she got into trouble in the first place, because she wore something she should have (remember Raja Hindustani, when Karisma wears that red dress and the next scene – after understanding the gravity of her mistake – she dons a salwar kameez?). Movies like DDLJ or Kal Ho Na Ho, had the lead (and decent) lady drinking for the first time because she was tricked or dared, or was unusually pissed about something. Some terrible circumstances, mind you, not that she wanted to, or is used to drinking. Pah! I can go on and on, but what do the rest of you think - Women in mainstream Indian Movies…. What’s your take?

Random thoughts/conversations

Why did we start to care? Traveling by bus, feeling attractive doesn’t last long. Its takes a look to makes us feel cheap. A comment. A stray guffaw. Was that something about me? Should I react?

Picking up a fight is choice to make with much deliberation. Where am I? Can I expect support? I don’t know Kannada, is that going to work against me? How much before it hurts his ‘manliness’?

“What’s the need for all this?”
“Gender stereotyping that mars an individual’s lawful freedom must go”
[...]
“Is all stereotyping bad?”
"hmmmm...no, I guess not."


“I don’t drop my buddies home if its after 11. But I drop you everytime and you expect it, don’t you?"


“There is a difference between bias and discrimination. For example, I am biased to look at men as responsible. But the minute I stop a woman for doing something, like an important task because I expect her to be irresponsible, that’s discrimination.”


“Ok admitted stereotyping makes things easier for us and it actually makes sense. In a harmless way as children we classified things as living and non-living. As plants, as animals, as wild, domestic, etc, because it helped us associate a set of behavioural patterns with a name. But sometimes this harmless classification can get restrictive. Man – breadwinner, strong, tall, broad shouldered. Woman – kind, caring, motherly, frail, fragile.”


“Women just want to be fashionable and dress to the latest trends. They just want attention. If they don’t dress decently – I don’t need to tell you what that is, right? – if they dress that way, then boys will comment. They shouldn’t dress that way, thats all.”


“I don’t need any of this empowerment shit. I really don’t think it’s needed - what you are doing. Women today can handle all this much better. Maybe women in villages need all this talk and all. Not us in the city.”


We spoke to others. We spoke to each other. And soon it was too late to wonder why we cared. We did. We've heard people laugh at our initial attempts at running self-defence classes, disbelief that this would change anything. Sometimes we are struck by the futility of our efforts. Then we step onto the streets and look troubled at the gang of laughing workmen. Just a bunch of riotous lads, but we keep watch over them from the corner of our eye. A part of us always aware that we are being watched too. One of us wants to light up. There’s no way we can on the road. We walk up to a deserted spot and get ready to stare down anyone who passes by.

Back at work where they are talking about going out drinking, a boy’s night out. They think, nay expect, that we wouldn’t ‘understand’ a thing about hangovers, drunken talk, bonding over beer. They expect us to blink stupidly back, which we do, cause we have enough battles to fight already. There is that subtle line between just expecting and stereotyping. Between when you've just let it be known where you where last night to when you're made to feel more and more alien to the group.

Sometimes it’s easier to hide within the boundaries of expectations, no?

First step towards getting Eve-in

“Oh no, not another ultra-feminist group!” is not the reaction that we intend. We are not the extremist types, I assure you.

Have you had enough of stereotyping and wondered how the planet would be so much more peaceful without it? The stereotyping that I mention here refers specifically to the gender issue where men and women are perceived in certain ways. Some of these are subliminal and many are very in-your-face. “Who will marry my daughter?! Her engagement got called off”– is a man ever pitied or sometimes even chastised so vehemently by our society if his engagement is called off? Such cases are few and far between. “Don’t venture out after 10 p.m. if you don’t want to invite trouble”, “You asked for it! You were dressed inappropriately in such a place” – men there happily strut around wearing whatever they’re comfortable in, even raising their lungies ( a sartorial trend among men, particularly in South Asia) to ghastly levels.

A recent trend indicates girls performing better than boys in the secondary school certificate examinations. Girls are rarely pressurized by their parents to excel and get fabulous scores, which is probably one of the reasons they do so well :-). These are modern parents, who are well educated, provide all encouragement and support for their daughters to choose their careers, make their own decisions et al. Yet, in case their daughters decide to leave glossy, high paying careers for one in the development sector, they are fine with it, after maybe initial disappointment. However, this is not the case with their sons, who are the “bread-winners”. My sympathies to the boys and men who are compelled not to leave their cushy jobs, even if they are unhappy with it. They are pressurized to excel in everything they do with the fear of being labeled as losers otherwise. Such is the subliminal stereotyping, which I’m sure most of us have experienced.

Get Eve-in looks at eliminating this very stereotyping. And no, we are not a bunch of dreamers and do have our feet grounded in reality, but feel that such a day would surely come by, so what if it’s not in our lifetime :-) !

Get Eve-in aims at bringing about a social renaissance, so just plunge in!